Friday, March 2, 2007

A long night and a longer day...

Crackgerbal and I had dinner with some friends and then went to see a movie. It was a less than stellar movie: Hannibal Rising. Afterwords we tried to cure cancer...and then finally--around 1 am--went to bed. Upon rising at 4 am we went to work and I'm now dead.

Hannibal Rising was a stupid attempt at a back story that wasn't necessary. Hannibal was likable enough from the other movies--we wouldn't keep watching this stupid shit if he wasn't--and trying to make him more human only took away from the delightful creepiness he had going. Also, we don't want him to be human. He was much better as a pure monster.

Gaspard Ulliel plays an "ok" Hannibal but he cannot compare to the original nor should he try. Such a level of creepiness was attained in the original that all other comers will only be wispy ghosts by comparison. The only bright spot in the movie was young Hannibal using a hand from a cadaver laying on his desk to lure a would-be killer "into his clutches." I put that last bit in quotes because even though it was clever it is a plot element that has been done before with much better results. We don't always expect to see something new in a movie, but we do want the old things to be fresh.

If you think I'm being to harsh, then you should read the New York Times review of this piece and come back with apologies. I'm not nearly as polished--nor as interested in giving this crappy movie as much intellectual attention--as they are.

In other news...

While slacking in the workplace the other day I heard a phrase that brought me pause: "Yes, I enjoy the flaccid orgasm!" That was it. No other thoughts. Just that. It made me think...

If you ever want an approaching person to think a second (or even a third) time about stopping for a conversation with you and the person you are with simply do the following:

1. Look your current conversational partner directly in the eye and say rather loudly: "Sure you enjoy a flaccid orgasm but what you really have to ask yourself is whether you consider a self prostate exam a legitimate sexual experience?"

2. Finish the above just as the target reaches you.

3. Look the target directly in the eye--try to be creepy--and say, "Yes?"

This three step routine should result in one of two things:

1. The target immediately vacates the premises.

2. The target stays around and tries to enter your fake conversation.

I think we can all appreciate either scenario.

That is all

1 comment:

Crackgerbal said...

I thought the movie was a poor excuse to humanize an already perfectly insidious chracter. Although, im not complaining about the company thereof during the procession.

i figured i should be the first to comment on your blog. why, hmm, cause apparently im the only one in this world besides you who knows it exists. :)

one day youll be able to post on some of my writings.